daftlypunk:

i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”

embarrassmental:

narcotic:

what if people named their kids when they turn 18 so the kid has a name that fits its personality

image

“Baby, just make sure you’re doing the drugs and the drugs aren’t doing you”

30 year old woman I did cocaine with over the summer (via satan-clit)

spookasaur:

IM LAUGJING SO HARD the picture looks so sleek and professional with the lighting but ITS A SPOOKY DOGE

babyminaj:

this tweet describes my entire life

sarcasticspokesperson:

I think we all know who the real winner of this skeleton war is…

smitty werbenjagermanjensen, he was #1

CP